24 June 2005

"if i keep still, maybe they won't see me"


ashley the terrible

My dog Ashley is currently a 4-month old maltese on speed. for real. when i read the breed description, it said "malteses have gentle disposition, and are generally low maintenance." lucky i didn't waste my money buying that book cos' the fella who wrote it was either talking through his anus or has never had a maltese puppy.

Ashley has gotten me in tons of trouble with my mom. he made a couple of big transactions on the dining room carpet and since the offending pile had excellent camo qualities, my mom proceeded to hoover it all into her new hoover (really, its a Hoover. never bluff you!). Upon detecting a strange stench emanating from her recently purchased pride-and-joy, she discovered to her *ahem* dismay that she had vacuumed puppy waste unwittingly. needless to say, the shit hitteth the hoover-rotorblade.

Ashley also likes to run up the stairs at home. We are trying to not to let him upstairs, though that's not the major issue. the problem is, this pup can run up. but cannot go back down. so lan lan, everytime he run up, he stuck on the stairs want to come down but dunno how. like that how? bark lor. and our stairwell has better acoustics than the esplanade, so you can imagine how happy our ENT (ear nose throat) doctor is. har?

Other pet grouses (yes all pun intended): nipping at our ankles when we don't play with him (nao hiah, like woman lor, make people dulan just to get a reaction); chewing up the sofa bed in the computer room; chewing up anything he can reach; chewing up my bank account balance (knn next time if i have chewren i'll tell them "don't be human doctor be animal lao goong can earn alot more); worrying that he'll squeeze his head through the stair railing and commit suicide. this list is not exhaustive by the way.

i love you anyway, Ashley.

for your unquestioning affection; for greeting me with unbounded enthusiasm when i come back home, everyday without fail, even if i did scold you the day before for whatever transgression(s) you've committed; for showing me that even my mom, previously non-fan of dogs, can be made a convert; and most importantly, for teaching me a thing or two about unconditional love and loyalty. i know some might think that i'm anthropomorphizing, but it's hard not to think that dogs are genuinely capable of affection.

thank you, Ashley.

but ermm... can you stop crapping on the carpet?

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