31 July 2005

humpy dumpy ashley

god golly, ashley started humping pillows a couple of weeks ago.

children, they grow up so fast. *sniff* my baby's all grown up now, soon he can spawn a whole new generation of doggy-breathed chewing machines.

look out world.

p.s. just got my ipod mini. BURN! music, that is.

27 July 2005

audere est facere

for those who know me, they will be quite acutely aware that i'm a bit of a diehard spurs fan. now now, before you launch into a fit of derisive laughter, i'll have you know we just signed edgar davids, the midfield lynchpin who almost helped barcelona singlehandedly to the primera liga title, despite only joining in the middle of the season.

typically, i'd love to have such a colossal figure grace the pitch at white hart lane, except he might have come a season or two too late. at 32, time isn't exactly on his side. good thing he was on a free transfer, otherwise that would be another few million pounds badly spent. again.

coming back to my sporting allegiances. seems to me i'm destined to deviate towards sports organisations that cause their supporters no mean amount of anguish (spurs, seattle mariners, seattle sonics).

spurs, the perennial underachievers of english football, the fallen bastion of the beautiful game in a country where "hoof 'em and hope" was more the order of the day. the club whose hallowed grounds was blessed by the magic feet of glenn hoddle, ossie ardiles, paul gascoigne, gary lineker, david ginola, et al.

today, we are a club in perpetual rebuilding. who the hell rebuilds for a good whole decade. only tottenham fuckin' hotspur, that is. sometimes, i wish football fans can just up and support another club. i know some do. but as any self-respecting person would tell you, football means sticking to one club your entire life. it's perfectly legitimate to divorce your wife to marry another, but god forbid you switch to supportin' the gooners. you'd be the equivalent of a football pariah, rejected by all sides. even the damn gooners won't take a second look at you, judas. :-P

the logic of it all is really quite astounding, all these unwritten rules. like how you cannot support more than one club within the same league, but nobody gives a shit if you like another team in another league, no problem with that at all. hell, you can tie 10 team scarves from 10 teams in 10 different leagues, more power to you. of course, you need a neck like a Karen refugee but that's a totally different matter altogether.

maybe football fans are like sailors, a club at every port.

21 July 2005

god save the queen, but who save her subjects?

think the terrorists in london bought a surplus of explosives so now setting off somemore, again in the tube stations. i believe i speak for majority of those in the civilized world when i say KNNBCCB PLEASE CHOKE ON YOUR OWN COCK YOU MOTHERFUCKING TERRORIST BASTARDS I HOPE GOD/ALLAH/BOB DYLAN WELCOMES YOU PERSONALLY WHEN U TRY TO GAIN ENTRY INTO HEAVEN AND HE TELLS YOU: "SIAO KIA, KILL PEOPLE STILL WANT TO COME HERE? LI KI SI KAR HOR LA!"

ahem, rant over.

more news at wikipedia, constantly updated, very current even better than ChannelNewsLater.

i want to ride my aeroplane

please, anyone who reads this, anyone at all. i will worship at your feet, kiss your grandma and feed your iguana if you have a mint condition (factory-sealed) smashing pumpkins' aeroplane flies high boxset or know of anyone who does and is willing to sell. will pay a premium for it, maybe S$300.

am so so so not kidding about this. have been searching everywhere for it but have not been able to find it anywhere. thing is, when tower records used to be at pacific plaza, i used to gaze longingly at the gleaming vacuum-wrapped monochromatic beast of a box set, sitting tantalisingly in the glass cabinet with his other boxset friends. being the poor student that i was, i was not willing to part with $90 to buy it, however much i craved it. of course looking back now, i totally regretted it cos its out of print now! talk about infinite sadness.

so please please please please please please please will a kind soul relieve me from my regret?

online drama

aiyo buy what 3G fone watch drama on your mobile? knn you can just read blogs man. what a dramatic couple of days or so.

first, kennysia posted some nudies he posed for at the sg blogcon with sarongpartygirl, provoking a plethora of responses ranging from blind idol worship to scathing moralistic rampages. poor harrassed kenny protested, whimpered then succumbed to the disapproving finger-waving women in his life. dammit never even got to see the nudies first-hand, slowpoke that i am. DAMN MYSELF FOR NOT CHECKING EVERY GODDAMN BLOG EVERY 15 MINUTES OR SO! always missing out on the nude, i mean good stuff :-S (lucky got people post it on their blog after kenny took it down)

*ahem* anyway xiaxue, the docile lady that she is, had a lengthy commentary of abovementioned incident. let's just say she didn't quite approve. xialanxue, so obviously a fan of xiaxue's, chose to fan the flames, saying something along the lines of "HA! in your face kenny! xiaxue's your friend eh? try to protect her eh? now she turn around and kan you! BURRRN!!" something like that la.

then got into office today, checked out a couple of blogs before getting down to work (i.e. go for breakfast from 9:30 to 10 or thereabouts, who keeps count?). then lo and behold! xiaxue's blog and email account kena hacked! WAH! (*cue for audience* SHOCK! HORROR! WAH!) apparently, the hacker trash-canned all of her blog entries and emails. this xiaxue also damn good, got keep 3000 over emails, somemore got 12 blogs over 3 years sure alot of text and alot of pikture. confirm is damn heart pain man. such things actually serve as a archive of sorts for someone's personal history, like a chronological heuristic map for jogging the memories of yesterdays. "ah, 21 Dec 2002, i scolded that little boy. oh how can i forget the post on 1 April 2003, i remember when i was writing that post i was digging my nose then i pluck my nosehair until i cry. good times man."

but now, no more. not even a trace. this hacker got abit cruel. bad for xiaxue, but damn good for all whodunnit fans lor! let the recrimination begin! haha macham cluedo sial. "It was mrbrown in the kitchen with the ibook!"

but if you want to be totally cup-is-half-full about this fiasco, xiaxue can actually be rather proud that the hacker chose her as the target of his or her attack. eh, you think hacker go and hack any old blog meh? u think he'll choose mine? ptui! other people's readership runs into the thousands everyday okay. its an honour to be hacked, you know? proves you have clout. xiaxue's blog now joins a long illustrious list of hacked sites. bet bigfuck must be thinking: "nah bei i not framoose enough to be hacked issit! my blog come out in newspaper one okay, http://bigf***.blogspot.com okay. cheebye come hack my site you understand?"

okay, mai siao. off to work.

20 July 2005

cat's away

my entire family sans me (and relocated second sis) are now walking the merry, manic streets of HK. okay, not quite yet cos' they only flew off like 3 hours ago. anyway, that leaves me and ashley, in sg. so for five sweet days, i have the car and the house to myself. perfect opportunity to have a kegger, except think poor ashley would be too stressed out.

since i'm at work for most of the day, i've actually worked out an arrangement with my aunt (who lives 4 blocks away) to doggysit the poor kiddo. i swear, i feel like a parent leaving his pride and joy at the daycare for the very first time. those poor puppy eyes welling up with puppy tears, i almost called in sick, just to stay home and keep him company. but heck, i need the job, i need the money (god knows i need it, ever tried owing the bank 18,000 big ones plus interest? goddamn tertiary education). so i showed my famed stiff upper lip and went away, not turning back, in case he sees the reluctance in my eyes.

the shitty thing about having a stay-home mum is that you never have the place to yourself, cos dammit that's her office AND her home, where else she got to go homez? so for the first time in my entire lifetime, she's gone on a family vacation WITHOUT me, leaving me to run riot for five long days. i can already smell the sweet nectar of freedom. the freedom to toss my socks on the sofa, the freedom to guzzle beer over poker with a couple of pig-fri-dog-ends.
ah, but responsibility, you have. look after your doggy, you must.

yeah, don't have to share the car but can't bear to go anywhere cos i can't leave him alone. heck he already sets his own routine to fit mine. he naps most of the afternoon and generally mopes around until six-ish, seven-ish, when he starts to perk up, in anticipation of my return from work. then he gets the runabout until eleven or twelve before he licks me good night.

i know its just a dog and all to some people. but you don't get this affection and loyalty from the best of people. so if you'll excuse me, i'll be home all week.

unless we go to a dog-friendly park (or pub).

13 July 2005

more kidney beans

i know i've been harping a fair bit on the nkf-sph war but hey, my blog, my perogative. :P

have been speaking with my colleague, who used to work directly under tt durai at nkf. she's entirely sympathetic to his plight apparently and i suppose she's right on some counts, that in some ways, he's the victim here. a man who devoted 18 hour days, 7 days a week to the nkf cause must really be committed to the organisation. sure he was a fricking slave-driver but with him at the helm, nkf has become the superpower it is today.

also, the whole thing about mrs goh chok tong calling tt durai's pay package "peanuts" must be seen in the right context. you can't compare the man with the $2,000 wage-earner. would you like it if i said: "oei, you manager get $5,000 for fuck when the cleaner getting $800?" doesn't make sense, right? okay, i admit i may have overreacted about tt durai's pay earlier. shucks, fell into the same emotional trap set by super singh lawyer, turning the court of public opinion against the nkf. DAMMIT! :P

anyway, what mrs goh was referring to was that for men of tt durai's calibre, $25,000 really isn't that inflated a monthly wage. and i agree when mrbrown said that you wouldn't want a person worth $60,000 per annum heading an organisation with $200 million. hell, you want to talk about mismanagement, just hire me as CEO la. trust me, with that kind of funds at my disposal i'll give you more than golden taps. hell, i'll buy my own learjet.

still, i think nkf should seriously consider major reforms. accountability to its donors would be a good start. it's fine if you want to pay your CEO a CEO's pay. just tell me and justify why this amount is necessary la, like how if you get this fella what he can bring in, in terms of funds for the patients, far outstrips whatever renumeration he will receive. the public not stupid you know, they can do simple maths.

okay, enough about this rubbish. time to move on.


the saga ends

so the nkf isn't gonna sue sph anymore. guess tt durai had enough of the davinder suppository (XXXXL size). pity, this drama could hv occupied me for this week. now i actually have to work. shucks.

and i changed my mind, i wanna be the lawyer for nkf lawsuits against sph now. bloody hell, no need talk, no need prepare anything. just put my ceo on the stand against super singh lawyer and watch him burn! crumble! blown to bits by the almighty juggernaut that is singapore's only print media organisation!

and then, i'll collect my paycheck from Golden Taps, thankew you very much.

unless of course, Lee Kuan Yew's blog, a.k.a. the straits times had conveniently left out the NKF counsel's equally convincing cross-examination? hahahaha conspiracy theorist, i am! :P

12 July 2005

when i grow up i wanna be CEO of NKF

talk about shooting yourself in the foot. sue SPH? over your dead body, you will. the media giant will crush you with their little pinky, run a perfectly legal smear campaign on yo' ass and leave you for dead in your bathroom with the gold taps. at least you'd have $1.8million to bequeath your young ones.

and wtf, 12 months bonus? are you serious about this shit? i know NKF is being run on a business model for greatest efficacy in fighting for the limited donor dollar, that i can comprehend and accept. i can even understand why NKF employees are one of the most competitively-paid workforce around. you pay them well, they're happy, they do a good job, they get more funds, they save more patients, everybody wins.

but TWELVE MONTHS BONUS??? ain't no business model that rich, boys and girls. you're not talking about Shell here, this here is a non-profit organisation where sole breadwinners part with $50 of their hard-earned money so they can help little bald kids with cancer or the penniless uncle with the diseased kidneys, not to help you renovate your toilet lor.

and the most surprising thing is i wasn't even that surprised he makes so much a year. in fact, i was surprised NKF paid him that little. I was expecting like a cool million a year, after taxes.

and don't think SPH is all that angelic either. damn sneaky, these fellas. "you sue me, i plaster your dirty laundry all over the front page of ST. yeah take that, you cunt. i'll send davinder singh to screw your ass." mental note: never piss off davinder singh, he one ruthless muthafucka. Huang Na trial new more newsworthy can? but no, they purperly put this TT Durai on a TWO PAGE SPREAD. somemore got verbatim blow-by-blow of the damning bits. simi journalistic objectivity? their headline also abit salah, they should say Vengeance is mine instead.

now you know who's gonna suffer the brunt of this war? the patients under NKF. like any other war, it's always the innocent civilians who have to face the bombs, wherever they may land. nobody's gonna donate to those goddamn 1900 shows anymore, not even if you have fann wong stripping to her undies and shaggin' christopher lee. and who's gonna save these poor bastards from this fire? not SPH. not even davinder singh (though if you ask nicely, maybe he wun whup nkf's ass so bad)

08 July 2005

damn terrorists

may the fury of a thousand mosquitoes be unleashed upon your anus and your hands grow too short for you to scratch it.

damn american administrations since who-knows-when

it's your damn fault too. you guys created this mess by supporting corrupt middle-eastern regimes, destabilizing the entire region and subsequently exploiting your close links with the dictators in power for their precious oil. damn gollums, the whole lot of you.

damn war on terror

i'm sorry, but an eye for an eye is so old-testament. get with the programme, asswipes! HELLOOO? 21st century non? pre-empt my ass, suckers!

06 July 2005

decipher this

weird dreams totally creep me out. just had one last night, can't remember the whole thing. you know how some parts of your dreams come through quite clearly and other parts are just a blur and all you can do is piece them together intuitively? this one is something like this:

ex-colleague of mine, comes up to me in random cafe and says: "i was working at a HIV/AIDS volunteer organisation and i now have aids." "aids isn't infectious through physical contact, is it?" i questioned. "i don't know."

blurry portion, fast forward

i probed further: "don't mind me for asking, but are you sexually active with your boyfriend?"


"maybe he passed it to you then."

fast forward again.

"do you fuck around?"

boyfriend: "yes."

an interesting point to note is that this "boyfriend" is actually not the boyfriend of my ex-colleague but the boyfriend of an nus schoolmate. how i managed to mix them up is a question you should direct to my subconscious mind. fast forward again.

me: "are you HIV positive?"

"boyfriend": "yes, and i'm sorry, name withheld."

can't remember anymore, and i woke up feeling entirely disoriented. can anyone interpret dreams? do help me with this one, though i think this is most likely just a pastiche of random tripe in my mind.

it's nice to know that even in my dreams, i'm not stupid enough to believe working in a HIV/AIDS organisation will give you aids. this is of course, more than i can say about those stupid parents who demanded a childcare centre which hired a gay teacher (who wasn't even positive!) to change all the furniture and basically dettol the entire school.

work is almost done, gonna work up a sweat playing really bad tennis. ROCK!

04 July 2005


i drove back home with weezer blaring on the stereo. its incredibly easy listening and it doesn't take much to get going on this confection. i especially like perfect situation cos' it speaks of something that i totally identify with - its the lament of fools who don't make more of their lives and instead let perfectly good potential waste away.

anyway, i parked the car and got out when this indian guy came up and asked: "sir, car wash?" i declined, as the ride was still relatively clean. this same guy (think he works at the nearby site) walks the same beat everyday with the same refrain. there was something so honourable about him, a dignified grace in his smile when i turned his offer down. no fuss, just a nod and he moves on, looking for opportunities elsewhere.

maybe he works so hard to build a family home, or to have enough to get married and start a small business, who knows. but his endeavour to work towards a better life puts me to shame, for i have neither the diligence nor determination to do the same.

this humbling lesson could be toiling in your neighbourhood.

03 July 2005

measurements of beauty

my friend's uncle will be bringing me one of these lovely babies when he comes over from the US in July. pretty good deal too methink. he's letting me have one for US$175 (price in singapore dollars to be determined at time of transaction. Clever little buggers, these business types)

this is of course, the same uncle which my friend has been talking about. the taxi-driver in singapore who made good in the us, reselling and exporting electronics to the middle east, the one who now owns a sweet crib with a pool and what not, complete with an SUV and a lincoln. in short: the american dream.

he's been trying to convince me and D that we should up and do the same. "what can we look forward to in singapore? maybe in 10 years time, we can have our $5,000 a month job, our mini-sedan and five-room flat in Punggol. let's be like our ancestors, who came from wherever they were to this goddamn red dot to make a killing. lets move out of our comfort zone and be more than we can be."

not bad this fella, should go sell magic stones to aunties.

seriously though, worth a thought innit?

01 July 2005

Yvette, princess extraordinaire

she's a cute one, isn't she? my niece doesn't suffer fools lightly. at her daycare, some kid took her toy or something. so she decided to use her newly acquired chompers on the poor, unfortunate sod. needless to say, the powers-that-be at the centre didn't take too kindly to biting of other daycare kids so for the rest of the day, she had to take an extended time out with no toys, which in kidspeak translates to hell on earth.

my mum wishes she wasn't oceans away in seattle, but i think she'd probably be better off there. just wish seattle wasn't a 20-hour flight away :-S